On being married - One direction

I once read that love doesnt mean gazing at each other's eyes; it means looking outward together in the same direction. I thought my husband and i were, in our goals, plans, and dreams. I just realized now that we werent. Perhaps that is one of the main reasons why we fight. We are both very passionate about our ideals and goals and sadly, eventhough we both have the long term goal of having the good life, our means to an end aren't the same.

My husband was brought up in a family of military men. His ideals fall in line with discipline, strict moral code, conservative practices, being reserved, quiet and unfortunately, a bit low on the perky side (thats translated to - he's a bit boring). And yes, all of these traits attracted me to him. Not including the fact that my husband does look good (i honestly believe he really does =)). Plus the fact that I prayed for my husband. I remember when i was a little girl - i drew up a picture of my future husband in my mind and 10 years later, when i saw M - i knew it was for keeps. And because of the traits I mentioned above, we frequently fight too.

At first i thought it was because of the fact that we were just so different from each other. I was raised in a family where love and affection were openly shown, appreciation was always present, concern and laughter was always tangible. And even though my parents fought frequently too, me and my sister were always told that we were loved no matter what. I was always hugged, kissed and teased by my parents. Clowning around was a constant past time. Not to mention that I know that I have always been attuned to my parents - my soft, gentle yet strong mother and my intelligent, witty and always grumpy father.

M and I would start arguing and turn into a full blown fight that can almost put UFC to shame, or at least be likened to a telenovela, complete with things flying in the air. I would say something and he would say something and both of us would just not yield into a compromise. A stand - off of beliefs and viewpoints and opinions would ensue and none of that would actually solve the problem. I think the only reason we stop fighting is because we're just both very tired of talking and it can really be exhausting, not to mention frustrating because of the fact that the problem ws not addressed.

M and I are married for 3 years now, and this is the only time, that i realized what was wrong. We werent looking in the same direction. I wanted to be a (korny) carreer woman. I wanted to work abroad and practice my profession. Even though I tried, I think I also know why I failed. Again, because we werent looking in the same direction. He delved into the world of business specifically - the business of public transportation. Eventhough it ran for the past 3 years, it was not easy for both of us to manage and eventually, today, we had to let go of it and sell it, franchise and all.

Looking at my husband earlier today, i knew it was painful for him to let go of something he has always wanted -- a business of his own. I was relieved really, to let the franchise go. I saw it as a nuisance, a burden, a liability. And that realization came instantly. When I was feeling relieved and he was looking all sad and defeated.

And so i wanted to write about that realization because eventhough I am sure he hasnt come to the same conclusions yet, I wanted to try and promise a resolution on my part. Knowing that I am not looking in the same direcion as he is, when it comes to raising this family, is a solution in itself. Knowing is half solving the problem. I can start from here. I can take it one step at a time. And perhaps later on when we start picking up the pieces, we can walk and look in the same direction our lives are going.