Gone on an emotional hybernation

To anyone who is reading my blog, you've of course noticed by now that I have been writing any posts at all. To any self respecting blogger, it is a must that you post something on your blog once in a while but, I guess you could say Im still on an emotional hybernation. More like physical if you analyze things with me actually, haha!

You can say I've lost inspiration, motivation, cultivation, dramatization, any -tion you can think about. I mean what is it that really makes me tick? I keep telling myself if only I have that or if only I can do that or if only I have the means to this end, etc etc. But the truth of the matter is, my emotional spark ran out. Is there anywhere I can buy fuel from?

I can tell you that I used to read up novels (pocketbooks) like a sponge absorbs water. I can tell yuo that I used to believe that I really am good at baking and cooking. There was a time when I believe that I can do all the things I want to do. There was a time when ideas were seeping in through the deepest recesses of my brain and come out if not the nicest, then definitely a nice piece of literature, from poems to short stories, to narratives, to essays.

There was a time when I believed in myself to be everything that I can be.

NOW?.. You can say I got side tracked. Life trully is never easy and its definitely not about the destination but all about the journey. You got this one solid goal in your mind but for some reason, the road does not seem to converge on that same goal. It's like imagining what your destination looks like and pinning that in your mind and all of a sudden, the twists and turns of the road does not look anywhere near how the destination should look like.

I am a mother, I am a wife, I am a daughter, I am a sister, I am a worker..but before all of those things, I am me. I am myself and I used to believe in myself. I used to believe that I dont have to look before I leap. I used to believe that I dont have to rely on anybody to catch me when I fall. Because I can catch my self just fine thank you.

NOW?..well now, well now then has become a different story. Am I whining? You can say, I dont like keeping my dreams tucked away just yet. But then again, what choice do I have? Well now...I leave it up to you the reader, to tell me if I shouldnt be on this hybernation. Then again, who reads my blog?

Despite Ondoy....

The weekend promised to be fun filled -- but it did not keep its promise. While the original plan was to go swimming, as it had been quite hot the past few days, the plan got postponed first due to some unavoidable circumstances. So me and hubby decided to just take B to the zoo for the very first time. The only animal she can recognize at the moment are cats and dogs (aptly referrd to as "meow!" and "aw aw!").

So anticipating a great weekend, I hurriedly finished off deadlines and prepared for Saturday.

Then came a rude, unpleasant and always expected visitor by the name of Ondoy. Tropical storm Ondoy, brought forth a year's amount of rain in just six hours. Most of Metro Manila flooded, thousands of people displaced and I'm pretty sure damages to the millions.

So what was a mother like me to do? Nothing. I couldn't do anything except pray that my loved ones are alright. It was a very long event actually. Come to think of it, I got so impatient at that time that I even asked my hubby if we can go out and stay at the mall for a few hours just to pass the time. But sorry no can do. The streets were all flooded and the rain just wouldn't let up.

Sigh.

I looked around the house to check if there is anything at all that I can bake and lo and behold, I bought a box of Betty Crocker's Angel Cake. It was a sale item in SM Supermarket. Two boxes for the price of one. I looked at the box and asked myself, do I really want to make an angel cake?. I guess on a normal sunny day I would have, except that it just felt to awfully boring. I decided to experiment. It wasn't until the bars came out of the oven that I knew what I was doing.

I call it Angel Bars with Lemon Buttercream Filling. It was fairly simple to make. I got 517 g of Angel Cake Mix. I halved that, so it came to around 260 g of cake mix.

Ingredients:

For the bars:

260 g of Angel Cake Mix (Betty Crocker)

1 whole egg

about 80 g of butter; softened

For the filling

about 40 g of butter; softened

about 3 heaping tablespoons of icing sugar

juice from 3 kalamansi

Instructions:

Cream the butter. Mix in the cake mix. When everything is well incorporated, whisk in the egg. Beat thoroughly.

Decant onto two small baking tins. I used baking tins from a small oven toaster and popped those in my electric oven. Preheated to 200 C and baked them for 20 minutes.

Let bars cool before transfering to a wire rack.

For the filling, cream the butter and sugar. When both are incorporated, add the pure kalamansi juice and mix well. Place in the fridge to cool for about 30 minutes. After this time, you are about ready to set your bars.

Turn out baking tins onto a wire rack. Spread the filling on top of one un-cut angel bar, then place the other un-cut angel bar on top. Cover with baking sheet (like when you're wrapping a gift) and replace back in the fridge for 2 hours to set.

Cut, serve and enjoy!

French Toast Bites and Homemade Mango Jam

Inspired by Crystal's Cozy Kitchen, I decided to make my own french toast bites over Sunday morning. The day was a bit sunny, though It was still a bit dreary for me and I wanted nothing more than to just laze around the house, play with my daughter B and just snuggle under the covers with my husband M. Truthfully I didnt want to get up the bed. If it wasnt for my daughter needing to be fed her breakfast and vitamins, I would have loved to just mosy on back to bed.

So anyways, this breakfast is pretty easy to make. Though Crystal's Cozy Kitchen said that she usually makes french toast bites out of bread ends, well as the picture shows in my case, I didnt mind using any part of the bread loaf hehe..

What you will need:

Bread slices

Butter

1 whole egg

1/2 c of milk

Sugar

Cinnamon

Mango jam (recipe below)

So first, whisk up the egg, add the 1/2 c of milk and set aside. Cut up the bread into little squares or bite sized pieces. Soak up the egg and milk mixture using the bread.

Heat the pan, and melt the butter, about a tablespoon. When butter is melted and heated, place in your bread slices.

Fry about a minute and a half. I like my french toast a bit more toasty. When it's about toasted as seen in the picture below, you can flip to the other side and fry about a minute and half again, 2 minutes more if you so wish.

When you are finished frying, transfer to a plate and sprinkle with sugar cinnamon. You can also add vanilla to the egg and milk mixture. I would have, except that I ran out of vanilla so I settled for the sugar cinnamon.

Serve with mango jam or any other jam of your choice. The mango jam I used below in the picture is homemade. Thanks to eCurry's Spiced Mango Jam, I got a simple recipe for homemade jams/preserves.

What you will need:

2 whole pcs of ripe mango

4 tbps of sugar

cinnamon powder

1/4 c of water

Slice up the mango (any which way you want is ok). Place in a saucepan with cover. Pour the water, add the sugar and about 1 teaspoon of cinnamon powder. Let boil for roughly 30 minutes. It will turn syrupy and a bit thick. You can do the jam doneness test after 30 minutes and if you are satisfied of the outcome you can remove the jam from heat and let it cool inside the pan before you transfer to a sterilized mason jar or any glass bottle available. Since this jam doesnt have any pectin in it, you would be wise to realize that the jam will not sit for a long time, unlike commercial jams. So better use it all up in a week!. Anyways, the jam I was able to produce was only enough to fill up a Gerber Juice Bottle (which was what I used). Roughly 4 ozs. So Im pretty sure it's gonna get used up soon enough. I'm just glad my husband M liked it heeeheeee!!!

And last but definitely not the least, I would like to make known (to anyone who's reading my humble blog)...I would love to have me my own photographer's camera!..Imagine the world of beautiful still life I could picture. Haaaa...what a remarkable camera....Why did I add that to my post?..Nothing..just want to shout out!...ciao! I hope you will enjoy doing this as much as I did.

Sundays with a Chocolate Cake

If you remember my previous post about Effortless Sundays, you will remember that I wrote it was moot point to say that my Sundays are effortless. And to prove my point, here is a rusty-c (read as rustic) chocolate cake that I made for my daugther for lack of a better alternative to going out. Sunday was a bit rainy and windy in this part of the globe so to make up for a dreary and grim afternoon, all cooped up in our tiny abode, I baked a chocolate cake for her (and for hubby).

Rustic by one of its definition means lacking in social graces or polish, which is definitely what my chocolate cake is. Now I said rusty-c because my skills in baking when it comes to anything chocolate is really rusty, and by one of its definition it means inept and slow through lack of practice. The first times I baked with anything chocolate -- most of it ended up in charity. I had to call our barangay captain to assist in distributing cupcakes and brownies to charity just for my efforts to not get wasted and of course for the food to not be thrown away or get spoiled.

Anyways, as I mentioned, rather than sulking up in the rain and boring musings of a Sunday afternoon, I decided to make use of the last of my flour, the last of my butter, the last of my eggs in the pantry and just DO this chocolate cake.

And it turned out ok! In the words of the Little Einsteins " I caannnooot buh-lieve it!!!". So in my best efforts to capture my elated sense of accomplishment, I am posting my rusty-c chocolate cake and how it is made:

Preset oven to 180 degrees C.

a cup of flour

a tsp of baking powder

half a tsp of baking soda

a dash of salt

half a tsp of chili powder

half a tsp of cinnamon

90 g of butter

1 cup of chocolate bits (chips)

nuts for garnish

1 whole egg

milk

sugar

Melt chocolate ang butter in a saucepan over uber low heat. When both are incorporated, remove from heat. Set aside. Using a separate bowl, blend together all your dry ingredients. Beat in the eggs. Add about 3 tbps of sugar. Beat well. Slowly add a few amounts of milk to soften and even the consistency of your batter. When your choco butter mixture has cooled considerably, whisk this in to your batter. Beat well.

Transfer to a baking tin or to your ramekins. Pop in the oven for 20 minutes or until toothpick inserted comes out clean.

I love that my daughter loved the cake...or she probably thought she didnt have any choice in the matter. Anyways, it was really good...hope you like 'em too!!

Effortless Sundays

pretty much doesn't exist in my world. When everything is in disarray and deadlines are running rampant in my calendar. A breezy weekend has not visited me in such a long time that I have begun to wonder what it would feel like to just let the day pass by and laze around the house.



I would probably experience something short of a movie special effects when the main character is standing still and everyone and everything around him is in a continuously fast forward motion. I'd probably go insane in minutes.



Truth be told, effortless Sundays are ethereal for me. I would probably choose to have a busy Sunday rather than a lazy Sunday. But hey if I can squeeze in a cheat here and there why not? Which I rather did. And my little cheat presented itself when I decided to concoct clear pork stew for lunch. Why was it effortless?



Basically, I never realized it was what I was cooking until I started boiling the pork. And from there, things just rolled off down hill. I had potatoes, I had sweet corn, I had pechay leaves, I had time on my hands! I popped everything inside the osterizer (except of course the pechay leaves), added salt and whole black peppers. Pressure-cooked the whole batch in 20 minutes and viola! We had one delicious port stew in clear broth in no time.



As soon as I was finished pressure-cooking the meat, I added a few more seasoning, added the pechay leaves and let it simmer for a minute or two, and that's that.



Sundays can be hectic, but it doesn't mean I have to wallow in misery or frustration for that matter. Just a little bit of magic, a little bit of determination, you too can have your effortless Sundays.

How Much of a Virtue Can Patience Be?

I asked my husband what i should write about today and he came up blank. I almost cried. Was I that too much of a mystery to my husband for him to suggest a topic that I can write about? Or worse, he's just not that in to me.

I have written for a few webmasters about book reviews, cell phone reviews, bling reviews, beauty product reviews (all for a few extra bucks) and well its not a secret that writing is one of my passions. So when I asked the one person who was supposed to know more about me than any other person in this world for advise, and came up blank, well it was mostly disturbing. Let me tell you, i was ready for a good heaping of argument.

And then, after a heartbeat, he suddenly asked "Why not write about the amount of patience and understanding we're extending to each other in this time of crisis?" I came up blank again..was he serious? And then I looked into his eyes, tired and a bit sad and wispy...with a wee bit of hardpressed laughter indicated only by the little twinkle in his eyes. I knew then that my husband knew me enough to know that as of this moment, more than anything else, I want to share our hardships to the few who'd come across this post.

My mother always tells me to be patient. (Mag pa sensya ka.) We have this Filipino saying "Habaan mo ang pisi" (lengthen the thread) which basically means you have to extend what ever needs and can be extended. In my case, I need to lengthen the thread of my patience towards my husband, in this relationship, during our time of trial. My mother always tells me, when it feels like you cannot be patient anymore, that's the time that you have to force yourself to be patient.

Practicing patience is never easy. There are times when it feels like I'm going to explode and this lava of irritation, angst, anxiety and frustration would bubble over. There were times in the past when we would argue so much and say hurtful words to each other only to be consoled by our mutual silence afterwards. It left a great painful chasm in my chest. It left me feeling alone and defeated.

As time passed by, I knew we couldn't always live like this. Fight like there's no tomorrow and leave it alone to rot in our souls. Eventhough I cannot change the past, I know the future for both of us is a long way coming and its going to be long unknown road for both of us to travel. I know that if we are ever going to survive that journey, I have to always be wee bit more patient. I know that my husband knows this too. I know that he realizes we both have to work in this relationship for it to be successful.

We weren't blessed with lots of riches, but we were blessed with good intelligent minds, sound judgement and sturdy souls. Enough to let us live this life to the fullest. There will be more bumps in the road, hurdles to overcome. My patience to my husband will always be tested, but I think I'm ready.

The Accidental Chocolate Chip Cookies

Accidentally, Kelly street...Remember that song? From what, way back highschool days? Nothing I just found myself singing that chorus when I was baking my chocolate chip cookies. Why were they accidental ? Well let's just say they weren't supposed to look like...what they look like in the picture (hehe...) I wouldn't even bother you with the recipe because I messed it up so bad I couldn't remember what I did wrong or what I did right. But mind you ladies, they still taste yummy!

However, to make up for the goofy mess I did, I asked one pro blogger for her recipe of the famous Blue Ribbon Chocolate Chip Cookies and she eagerly shared it with me! Goody! I will write a post about it soon! I am just going to be a bit too busy for the next couple of days to pave the way to my "wish I were a world famous pastry Chef" musings.

So anyways, I hope you love the pic! I am certainly enjoying some burnt, chewy, sweet and nutty cookie crusts in here...heeeheeeheeh!!!

Beef Pasties from Rachel Allen Bake!

I follow a new goddess...and her name is Rachel Allen. You can check her out on Discovery Travel and Living : Rachel Allen Bake! every Friday at 7 pm. I have been meaning to make these pasties (empanadas) since God knows when. I have all the ingredients really (from a previous failed enterprise which i choose not to elaborate on) but I guess i just procrastinated so much that I just decided to make a few today. It was now or never. A do or die feat (well not exactly!) I had to make use of the ingredients I have since they are slightly different from the ones Rachel made, so for my version I used:



Filling :



200 grams of ground beef (you dont necessarily have to use the very lean ones)

a few grams of frozen green peas

a tbsp of butter

3 cloves garlic minced

1 red onion minced

1 jalapeno pepper minced

1 tbsp of Thai hot sauce

1 tbsp of Britt brown sauce

salt and pepper to taste

a tsp of cumin powder

a tsp of chilli powder (cumin and chilli powder makes all the difference)



Pastry



3/4 cup all purpose flour

3 tbsp shortenning

1/2 tsp baking powder

a tsp of cumin powder

a tsp of chill powder

a tsp of salt

under a cup of water

1 egg



Directions:



Again, take everything out of the fridge an hour before baking. This makes everything easier to manipulate.



Prepare your pastry first. Combine all your dry ingredients. Add in the egg and shortenning until your pastry resembles course crumbs. Knead with your hands as much as possible. Add in a few drops of water to let the loose crumbs adhere to the dough you're making. Knead into a flat dough and refrigerate until you are ready to use for the pasties.



Next you cook the filling. Sautee the garlic, onion and jalapeno in butter. When onion is transparent mix in your beef. Add the cumin, chilli, salt and pepper. When beef is brown and cooked through, add the hot sauce and brown sauce. Add the green peas. Simmer uncovered for 15-20 min.



Note: I didnt have tomato sauce handy at that time so i wasnt able to include it, however I strongly suggest that you follow Rachel's way of cooking and add in at least a tbsp or two of thick tomato sauce.



Once filling is cooked transfer to a bowl with sieve so that the juices can be strained and wouldn't run over your pastry. Next take your dough out of the fridge and flatten using a rolling pin (about a few cm thick) Get a bowl that you can use to cut circles through the pastry. For the pastry that I used, it yielded 6 large beef pasties (using a bowl about 2 inches in diameter for the pasties). Once your circles are ready, scoop about a tbsp of your beef filling onto each of the pastry circles. Fold and crimp the edges with a fork. Brush with beaten egg yolk if you have once.



Pop in the oven for 10 minutes. Serve hot with iced tea.

Mommy Moment : When B first ate on her own

This was trully a very happy moment for me. B gestured that she wanted to hold her spoon. So I spooned a few of her food (mashed brocolli with cheese) and gave the spoon to her. She gave me a smile and placed the spoon in her mouth. As if to show off her milestone, she gave me these magnificent smiles. Wonderful!

Finally had the guts to make chicken pastel

Whew!...finally..well as what I have written down on my not so previous post, I had a very relaxing (not!!) weekend over at my parents' house. So for this Monday, I finally found the energy to make this long standing recipe of chicken pastel (woot! woot!**)

For this dish I used:

1/2 kilo of thigh fillets (chopped into bite size pcs)

2 small onions

3 cloves garlic

salt

pepper

about a tbsp of butter

2 pcs medium sized carrots chopped into bite size pcs

2 pcs medium sized potatoes chopped into bite size pcs

a can of mushrooms

milk

cream

flour

For the pastry

about 1/2 cup of flour

about 2 tbsps of shortenning

about 1/4 cup of water

Preheat over to 180 C

All things needed out of the fridge, openned, drained and chopped.

Heat your pan. Melt the butter. Add garlic and onions until former is browned a little and the latter transparent.

Add in your chicken fillets. Let cook through.

Add your mushrooms

Add the carrots and potatoes

Season with salt and pepper

You can add a chicken boullion cube to enhance flavor

Pour about a cup of water. Simmer for 20 minutes, covered.

When fillets are firm yet tender, add in your milk, cream and a little bit of flour to thicken the paste.

Simmer for a few more minutes then take out of the heat. Transfer into your ramekin.

For the pastry:

First combine the flour and your shortenning. After both ingredients are incorporated to resemble course crumbs, add your water a little bit at a time until your dough is formed. Roll it into a flat pastry enough to cover the lid (which in the picture was not enough..i should have rolled it further flat).

Smear the top with butter.

Pop into the oven for about 15-20 minutes or until the pastry has cooked through.

Serve piping hot.

Enjoy!

Trully, there's no place like home...

I strive everyday of my life to make something out of myself. I got married, had a child and am a mother now, but trully, there's just no place like home -- where I grew up and learned life's first lessons. Over the weekend, my daughter B and I went to visit my parents and younger sister and we stayed over night. When we got home, it was the usual hustle and bustle of taking care of B (since i don't have a helper). I didn't mind. I was home and with the company of people I love. I would have loved to share with you the highlight of my visit (food, what else!?) but my forgetful mind left the battery to my camera so I wasn't able to take a picture of anything except, my breakfast on Sunday (which is still somewhere in cyberspace).

Anyways, my daughter also had a blast, running like crazy around the house, making everybody's backs hurt because everyone has to catch up with her. Im so thankful that my younger sister is so much more patient and loving to my daughter than I was when I was her age and I was trying my very best to take care of her.

In a way, it was healing period for me to go visit my parents. Eventhough we didn't do any more than sit back, tell stories, watch over B, and drink coffee (lots of it...). For me it was more than enough to renew my spirits and envigorate my soul. Like a rebooting of some sort. This week is surely going to be another grind, I don't mind. I know that I can always come home to my mom and pappy and sister and it will be as if nothing has ever changed.

Lesson Number 7 - Let your children paint on walls

I apologize but I have forgotten the name of the man (who is also a father), who has said these words during an interview with Oprah. This man has (or had) cancer and he gave some very insightful advises on child rearing. Considering that he has had a terminal illness, he has decided to turn things around and focused instead on the present and how families should value each day they're together and be grateful for being given another day to love, cherish and take care of each other. He said his parting words would be "let your children paint on walls".

His words touched my heart because it implied that we constantly try to keep our lives balanced. House cleaned, bills paid, cars washed, children bathed and fed, taught their ABC's and 123's, and played with at the park or inside the house. And because of this balance, we sometimes forget that being spontaneous, can also be fun and liberating. When children play, when they do something ridiculous or say something hilarious or do something awesome like paint on walls, they do so without thought or heed for cleanliness or order or without hope of acceptance or fear of rejection. They just do. More often than not, we as adults are the ones who are afraid of chaos or disorder in our lives. And with good reason of course ( i dont have to elaborate). But sometimes, a little dose of impulsive behavior will do wonders to our soul.

Life is too short to waste stopping your child express herself. Yes we need to keep order, but equally yes, we need to harness these little artistic endeavors, this little bursts of freedom to just do. Yes my daughter has not yet painted on my walls, yes i'd probably be a little angry if she did because what if there were unexpected guests arriving? Or what if I had been too tired already to think about cleaning it? I say, now, I love my daughter. A little work of art on the walls will surely not be the end of me.

College Days, a Ref Cake, and Nasty Co Interns

I was in my 5th year in College, which was basically, my intern year when I had to travel and live in certain provinces in Luzon where our university has affiliations to clinics offering rehabilitation medicine. It's a basic requirement for all graduating PT's in the Philippines to practice theoretical and clinical applications in standard, controlled and actual environments.

It also means, having to cohabitate and tolerate other interns from other universites. It also means having to tolerate untidy habits like unthrown garbages, the smell of left over beer wafting through the air when you wake up in the morning, having to wait for over 1 hour in line to the bathroom because a couple is sneaking a "quickie" inside. It also means you have to get along with the whims of your classmates like a night out everynight, food trips, unplanned beach hoping, wasted nights and mornings after a drunken tirade and having to kiss ass to our ugly, overbearing, conceited, did i mention ugly...? CS's.

How did this ref cake fit into the picture? I was having a discussion with my one of my barkadas one night and we were talking about what to prepare for a dinner on a Friday night. We agreed that we'll make carbonara, some grilled fish, grilled pork and i offered to make a ref cake. When all of a sudden, this co intern and a board mate (we live in the same boarding house), just blurted out "Ref cake? Eh ang dali lang gawin nyan eh. Kahit sino pwede gumawa nyan" (Ref cake? That's just so easy to do. Anybody can do that), all the while smirking, and grimacing, belittling my effort. Since Im the type of person who will not speak to you if I dont like you, i did not honor her snide comments with anything and basically ignored her existence. She could have dropped dead in front me and I would never have given a damn about it.

So actually, yes its true, it affected me more than any other comment or actions Ive experienced in the past. Why? Because ive always known that I love to bake, cook and concoct delicious goodies. That particular memory made me averse to making ref cakes from then on. As if making ref cakes (mango creme pies, banana creme pies) would suddenly poof her in front of me. Needless to say, I hated making creme pies because I remember that night and the snide comments of an untidy, dimbo who's a poor excuse of a food critic.

Until recently when our office sponsored a summit to Boracay and we drank this smoothie in Jonah's called choco banana peanut smoothie. And it was hands down the most delicious, sweetingly tempting, banana smoothie Ive ever had the pleasure of tasting. After that trip a friend of mine (Ross) decided to make a choco banana peanut cake. I saw the picture and it looked so yummy, so asked for the recipe. And she said it was actually a ref cake. OK...a ref cake..Was I ready to let go of the past to satisfy my sweet tooth cravings? well, what the hell I wanted to make one.

So I did! And here it is....

My version of choco banana peanut creme pie

About 7 pieces of Dole banana

2 packs of chocolate cream (nestle)

About 1/2 cup of condensed milk

About 2 tbsp of white sugar

Crushed Graham crackers

About 2 tbsps of brown sugar

About 12 pcs of choc-nut (locally made chocolate with peanuts)

Cut the banana into bite sized pieces about .5 in thick. Set aside and place inside the ref covered.

Beat the chocolate cream, 2 tbsps of white sugar, and condensed milk. Set aside or place in the ref to cool.

Combine the graham crackers and 2 tbsp of brown sugar. Add a few crushed choc nut.

Crush the choc nut with your fingers. Dont forget to lick them off your fingers after doing so! Yum! (wash your hands afterwards of course!)

Now your ready to make your creme pie.

Place a layer of crushed graham crackers at the bottom of your pie dish(you can use the uncrushed whole crackers if that's the beat of your music *wink). Then take out your chilled chocolate cream. Mix in the banana slices. Place a dollop on top of the crackers, then layer with crushed choc-nut. Next layer again with crackers, banana cream, and choc nut until you fill the brim of your dish. For added pizaz, layer in additional slices of banana and uncrushed choc nut.

Place in the chiller or inside the ref and let sit for 4 hours. Serve! With whipped creme and coffee!

Sitting in front of our teli, with a serving of the choco banana peanut cake (creme pie), i couldnt help but remember that co intern. Funny thing is since I never gave her a second look, I coudnt remember what she looked like, much less what her name was (she was named Broomhilda for all I care) and I thought to myself, i am bound to meet people like that along the way. That wouldnt be the end of that. People who dont have anything good to say to others. People who I just cannot bring my self to get along with. Im bound to stumble upon nasty "co interns", even now that I am a mother already. Question is, if i would let myself be affected by their annoying presence.

Yeah, anybody can do a ref cake, but Id bet my bottom dollar, she can't do s**t about anything, she cant make ref cakes as deliciously and awesome as I make 'em. (Or she could probably be the Head Chef of a 5 star restaurant, or a multi-awarded pastry chef..who cares? She aint pretty like me...=P)

Peppered Chicken and Potatoes with Salty Lemon Butter Sauce

My first masterpiece. I wanted to do something this saturday other than my usual mommy duties. I noticed that I still had a kilo of chicken wings stocked in the freezer. My husband M asked what was for dinner (as what husbands usually ask their wives, although im pretty sure its not asked to annoy us, or make them sound like a broken record) and I automatically answered "Sinigang, may natira pa kase kagabi" ("Sinigang, there's some left overs from last night"). He answered "ok" and just when i was turning to look at him, I saw a tiny wee bit smirk from his face. Knowing that my husband would never impose requesting that I cook another dish for tonight (considering that we were both very tired from the day's work), I decided to make use of the chicken wings. We can always eat the left over Sinigang tomorrow lunch.

So I set about preparing the chicken. Firstly, I marinated it in some very simple mix of lemon, salt and pepper. I used only about 1/2 a kilo by the way and to this i added the juice of 2 lemons, their rind, salt and freshly cracked black pepper. I set it aside for about 20 minutes. When you're running low on time, you can use McCormick's lemon pepper chicken mix and it will do wonderfully as well.

Next I washed the potatoes and cut them into halves, skin on.

Next I prep the oven, 200 degress C.

After about 20 minutes, you can place the chicken wings at the bottom of your ramekin or baking pan. Next put the potatoes on top. Then put about 2 cubes of unsalted butter on top then place in your oven and bake for about 40 minutes.

I thought about the greens I will use for this dish and remembered that I only had native spinach in the ref (an all time favorite of my mine by the way since I was little). Since I didnt have anything else at hand to use as a dressing I decided that I will just add in the spinach when Im ready to serve the dish.

So I boiled about a cup of water. When water is boiling, turn off flame and add in the spinach to the pot of boiling water. After about a minute or two, drain the pot and put blanched spinach onto a bowl of cold water to stop it from cooking further.

After 40 minutes of baking take out your baking tray or ramekin and see how the chicken is cooking. Sometimes, it will not brown as quickly or nicely as you expect. So you can put the dish back in the oven and bake for about 15 minutes more.

After this you can be sure that the chicken is already tender, the juices have come out nicely and the potatoes are baked to a firm and chewy texture. Transfer the chicken and potatoes into a serving tray. Arrange nicely not forgetting to include your blanched spinach.

The tray still has ample juice from the chicken left and I used it as the gravy for this dish. Ijust put in a little bit of flour and cooked it over low heat until it thickened.

M certainly did not have a smirking face when dinner was set. I asked him if it was true that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, and as an answer, he looked at me and gave me a sweet nice kiss on the lips.

On being married - One direction

I once read that love doesnt mean gazing at each other's eyes; it means looking outward together in the same direction. I thought my husband and i were, in our goals, plans, and dreams. I just realized now that we werent. Perhaps that is one of the main reasons why we fight. We are both very passionate about our ideals and goals and sadly, eventhough we both have the long term goal of having the good life, our means to an end aren't the same.

My husband was brought up in a family of military men. His ideals fall in line with discipline, strict moral code, conservative practices, being reserved, quiet and unfortunately, a bit low on the perky side (thats translated to - he's a bit boring). And yes, all of these traits attracted me to him. Not including the fact that my husband does look good (i honestly believe he really does =)). Plus the fact that I prayed for my husband. I remember when i was a little girl - i drew up a picture of my future husband in my mind and 10 years later, when i saw M - i knew it was for keeps. And because of the traits I mentioned above, we frequently fight too.

At first i thought it was because of the fact that we were just so different from each other. I was raised in a family where love and affection were openly shown, appreciation was always present, concern and laughter was always tangible. And even though my parents fought frequently too, me and my sister were always told that we were loved no matter what. I was always hugged, kissed and teased by my parents. Clowning around was a constant past time. Not to mention that I know that I have always been attuned to my parents - my soft, gentle yet strong mother and my intelligent, witty and always grumpy father.

M and I would start arguing and turn into a full blown fight that can almost put UFC to shame, or at least be likened to a telenovela, complete with things flying in the air. I would say something and he would say something and both of us would just not yield into a compromise. A stand - off of beliefs and viewpoints and opinions would ensue and none of that would actually solve the problem. I think the only reason we stop fighting is because we're just both very tired of talking and it can really be exhausting, not to mention frustrating because of the fact that the problem ws not addressed.

M and I are married for 3 years now, and this is the only time, that i realized what was wrong. We werent looking in the same direction. I wanted to be a (korny) carreer woman. I wanted to work abroad and practice my profession. Even though I tried, I think I also know why I failed. Again, because we werent looking in the same direction. He delved into the world of business specifically - the business of public transportation. Eventhough it ran for the past 3 years, it was not easy for both of us to manage and eventually, today, we had to let go of it and sell it, franchise and all.

Looking at my husband earlier today, i knew it was painful for him to let go of something he has always wanted -- a business of his own. I was relieved really, to let the franchise go. I saw it as a nuisance, a burden, a liability. And that realization came instantly. When I was feeling relieved and he was looking all sad and defeated.

And so i wanted to write about that realization because eventhough I am sure he hasnt come to the same conclusions yet, I wanted to try and promise a resolution on my part. Knowing that I am not looking in the same direcion as he is, when it comes to raising this family, is a solution in itself. Knowing is half solving the problem. I can start from here. I can take it one step at a time. And perhaps later on when we start picking up the pieces, we can walk and look in the same direction our lives are going.

Lesson Number 6- They grow up so fast!

Sure enough, when i look back, she was just this small tiny little itsy bitsy bit of a baby. And now, she can climb out of her crib, walk on her own, dance, blabber and wish to eat on her own! What's next? Drive a car on her own? My husband M told me once that he used to drive around his favorite toy car when he was about 4 or 5, and boasted that he was really good for a kid his age. I passed it off as him being a show off. True enough his mother (my MIL) told me that he was really good at maneuvering around obstacles and stuff. She told me it was the cutest thing she ever did see.

Well i can certainly relate to that. Seeing my daughter walk and run on her own gives me great pleasure and pride. As if that milestone was a great feat equivalent to landing your own spaceship on the moon. Hey what can i say? I'm a mother.

Right now she's learning how to use the spoon and fork on her own. She's trying to learn how to use the dipper when taking a bath, because I get this feeling she would like to bathe on her own now. Whenever I soap her tiny cute body, she would push my hand away and she would rub both her hands and touch her face as if saying "See?! I can wash my face on my own! How hard is it to bathe on my own huh, mom?"

Experiencing these "firsts" can be so overwhelming and sometimes fleeting that the moment has gone before I even realized that she did something for the first time. I am a working mom. I work at home. I work for 8 hours of the day and the rest, I work on chores and mommy duty. Sometimes, I get so busy that I forget I need to teach my daughter her ABC's and 123's. More often than not this great task gets to be done by another member of the family. And although I am thankful for their support, nothing beats really to realize that Iwas the first to teach my daughter this and that.

And so I have resolved to spend less time in front of the kitchen counter top and more with my daughter - inside and outside of the house. I have made the list below to guide me through the coming months:

Church every Sunday
Visit the Zoo
Visit a beach
Buy those wonderful educational CD's - she loves Dora, The Backyardigans and Diego...thank God for Nickelodeon!
Read to her every day -- she recognizes and says balloon, dog, cat, fish, the color yellow and pink! I dont know why she doesnt like red...
Dance with her
Sing with her

I need to be frugal on expenses so I cannot enroll my daughter in Gymboreem or those nice helpful classes. I realize now that I have to do this on my own. And i have to put an effort to it. I am not only rearing a child, I am trying to be and learning how to be a good mother. Not the best mother - but someone good enough to love her, cherish her, support and educate her. They grow up so fast, so let's keep pace!

Kalamansi Cupcakes

Inspired by the kalamansi muffins at the Real Coffee in Boracay. I experimented on my own recipe and a recipe I got from the lemon bars. Before doing so however, a few notes. Although recipes state a specific temperature and cooking time you have to know that ovens are unique and different from each other. You have to really know your oven in order to bake these goodies and for them to turn out nice and decadent. I use US Tradition electric oven and it never disappointed me but I had to be extra watchful because I noticed that the batches at the back tend to cook and brown so much quicker than the ones in front. Secondly, it tends to overheat so there's a point in my baking time that I have to lower the temp down to a manageable level to cook and bake deliciously. This was not realized in a day (Rome wasnt build in a day right?). I experienced a lot of mishaps, thrown away batches and sadness at first but in the end me and my oven got on good terms and now I am happily baking when I wish to (well, truthfully -- when i have the time).
So here it is:
1 - 1 1/2 cups of all purpose flour
1 stick of butter + 1 tbsp (usalted and at room temp)
2 eggs
1/4 kilo of kalamansi (thereabouts) - grate a few for the rind (choose the really green and firm ones)
1/2 cup of white sugar
4 tbsps of white sugar
1 yogurt (unflavored or any flavor will do except buko pandan - im thinking it will really alter the taste of your cupcake)
1tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda (there was this blogger who said to use fresh not dead baking soda...and the baking soda i used had been sitting in my pantry for over 4 months now and my cupcakes turned out still good -- so wonder what he meant by that)
1/2 tsp salt
about 1/2 tbsp kalamansi rind
Preheat oven to 180 C. Take out everything you need from the fridge at least 1 hour before baking so that everyting is at room temperature as this makes all the difference in the fluffiness of the cake.
In a bowl, combine all your dry ingredients. Flour, baking soda, baking powder and salt plus the lemon rind. Leave about 1/2 cup of flour aside in case you need to thicken your batter (squeezing out the kalamansi yields different volumes of kalamansi juice). There's no sifting of dry ingredients in my world.
In another bowl - cream the butter and 1/2 cup sugar until light in color. Add the yogurt. Set aside.
In yet another bowl - beat the 2 eggs and add the juice of your 1/4 K Kalamansi. Add the 4 tbsps of sugar. Beat until smooth. Set aside.
Fold in the butter mixture into your flour mixture. Next add the egg mixture slowly and bit by bit all the while mixing your batter until you reach a smooth, even texture. If you find that your batter is too thin add the remaining 1/2 cup of flour bit by bit until you reach your desired consistency. (when you try and laddle the batter it should drop with a "plop" sound). By this time you would have made a sweet yet tangy batter.
Next pour the batter into your muffin pans. For this recipe I got 12 cupcakes.
Put in the oven and bake for about 15-18 min. Using my electric oven, I keep turning the pan every once in awhile so the heat gets distributed evenly to all the cupcakes. Again, its how me and my oven works. You dont necessarily have to do that if you got your own professional reliable oven (hehe).
You will notice that the cupcakes have a thick compact texture to it. It's done (really) when a toothpic inserted comes out clean.

You can use any of these recipes for your icing:

1. Candied kalamansi rind
about 1 tbsp of kalamansi rind
maple syrup or sugar syrup
Heat the maple syrup in a pan on medium heat. Stir in the rind. Let the sauce baubble and thicken (about a min or two). Pour over your cupcakes.

2. Kalamansi Icing (the one I used)
egg white from one egg
about 3/4 cup icing sugar (keep some in case you still need to add)
about 2 tbsp of kalamansi juice

Mix everthing and pour over your cupcakes. I used some on the cupcakes i made but decided that the cupcakes were delish enough on their own so I didnt dollop on them anymore. Just kept it in the freezer. In case I suddenly crave for a kalamansi icing on top
So there you go folks. Hope you like 'em when you bake 'em!

Lesson Number 5 - The best things in life are free

When my daughter started blabbering it was music to my ears. When she started saying "Mommy" and "Daddy" it was heaven. Knowing that she really was calling out to me or that she was really asking for her daddy to carry her, it was pure joy. These are the moments when you realize that, the best things in life CAN really be free.

We've almost always placed a carefully priced amount to our happiness. Sometimes not knowing how to give and love unconditionally. But, when you finally realize the true meaning of motherhood (which I know I've got a long long, long way to go), you'd know that precious moments really weigh so much more than material things. Yes every once in a while, we want and really NEED something to survive, to keep us sane, to make us happy. To feel that we are in control of our happiness. But oftentimes, we stumble upon an unforgettable moment with our loved ones, and that pricey cell phone is just...a cell phone. That glittery jewel suddenly doesnt shine enough compared to your child's radiant smile. All of a sudden, having enough is more than you can ask for when in company of a loved one.

My daughter was inside her crib one day, playing with her pillow. We call it her "loving pillow" for lack of a better term of endearment. I was watching how her eyes would lit up at a realization that its soft, and cool and comforting. How she would hold it close and cuddle with it and just be content having her "loving pillow". And I wondered when was the last time I felt safe and content and happy with something so simple? I have had enough troubles lately to last me a lifetime, and believe me I would want nothing more than just to be done with it, but watching my daughter that day, it made me realize, not everything has a price tag.

My time with my daughter, the golden moments waiting to pass by, the days of learning, all the adventures waiting to happen..these are all moments I am happily anticipating. And they are now starting....

Lesson Number 4 - Fighting doesn't necessarily mean a bad thing

Could you remember a time when our parents ever told us "its good to fight?" when we were kids? I used to just always hear "fighting is bad", or "dont fight with your cousins" or "don't fight with you sister/brother!". But hasn't it ever occurred to our parents then that a good ounce of fight could be good?

As little as my daughter is at this point, she knows how to fight and stand her ground. I don't think I would ever want to diminish that side of her. I can harness it but curb it towards her own good. In this day and age, it's equally important to be bad (sometimes) because the world itself is not all rainbows and sugar cones and cotton candy. I know that my being a parent entails teaching my daughter how to be responsible, and that doesn't mean I have to teach her to be meek and seek cover during times when she has to stand her ground and throw something back.
I feel secure in the fact knowing that my daughter will be alright. There are moments when she gets side stepped or when another kid gets the better of her, but I know that those moments only served to strengthen her. She's a learner. And that is a good thing.

Lesson Number 3 - The gift

My daughter is the greatest gift I have ever received from God. A simple smile, a bubbly hello, a twinkle in her eye, a scream of delight, a wet (and sticky gooey) kiss, a hug, a run, a dance and a cry from her are all cherished moments in my life that I know will hold me aground for all eternity. I am blessed, trully, by having my daughter born in this world.

Now you might be wondering why this was lesson number 3 and not number 1? Well, as with all lessons in life, it comes at the most opportune time. At a time when I simply needed to realize it. At a time when I needed to know that I am loved and can love unconditionally. I am used to be teased by my friends that I am such a cry baby. That I am. And, having my daughter with me, is a miracle that she can easily cure me from my aching heart.

I didnt realize that my eyes were blazing with fury, tears were streaming down my face and my heart was broken in tiny pieces until she reached out and touched my face and smiled at me. Her cute, mischievous smile as if saying "brace yourself, there'll be more to come mommy" ...and I did and I am. I am bracing my self for more heartaches, disappointment and frustration. But I see a silver lining in my horizon. A simple touch cured me and strengthened me. My daughter is a healer...that is her gift.

Lesson Number 2 - Sometimes she just doesn't know what she wants

We've labored over this for far too long. Kids throwing tantrums and crying their hearts out over seemingly...nothing! Feet stumping and heads a-bangin' like a die hard rock and roll fan. I frantically search for the nearest toy (or thing) that would catch her fancy but nooooo...she just keeps crying and screaming and throwing a fit! And I finally just give up and let her be. Lo and behold, she just settles into a comfortable zone in her crib, wipes her eyes like plays again with her toys.

For a mom like me who really doesn't have help at home, its downright frustrating not to be able to communicate with your toddler, much less a one year old kid. I don't know baby sign language because quite frankly, even though its effective, I just couldnt see the justification of spending money over it as opposed to buying milk for my daughter. I'm that practical kind of person. I don't have that much patience in my bones. It got all consumed together with my calcium reserve during my first pregnancy. I don't have that much creativity in me to win over my daughter's attention, because well, if you're one to finish the laundry at 8 AM then proceed to give your daughter her breakfast and brace yourself for one hell of a bath...let me tell you it aint never easy to be thingking about something else besides finishing.

So, the next time she throws a fit, I know better than to waste my energy trying to figure out what she wants. Trust me, she just wants to bawl her eyes out. That is of course after you've checked if she pooped or wants milk. I never said for you to be inconsiderate.

The First Day of School

The first day of school proved to be nothing different. It all started on this dreary rainy afternoon, in front of my laptop, erstwhile feeding my little toddler. And much like first lessons taught, it wasn't something that I thought I already knew. I have been feeding my daughter like it was war of the worlds between the two of us. Until we settled on a little compromise, yes, as young as my daughter is, she already knows how to compromise. Feed me that gooey stuff you call baby food while I watch you make a clown of yourself. At least that's how SHE compromised and I couldn't do anything about it.

Until a few days later when the compromise suddenly ended. Just as quickly, she doesn't want to eat anything anymore. Not the usual baby food, the poridge I so laboriously pour what's left of cooking skills on, and not the oh so reliable "cheeze whiz" I always put in. None, nothing, nada, zip, zap, boom!

And it has been going on for a few days now, me relying her nutrition on milk and a few spoonfuls of baby food (which by the way paved the way to war again). And, just like the light of day, it dawned on me that its not her lack of appetite that's wrong, but my lack of imagination and creativity that's making this battle a loosing one.

With this thought in mind, I set out to concoct my first experiment. Ol' yeh Knorr Mushroom Soup. And holy of holies! She ate! On her own accord! A couple spoonfulls of warm, creamy mushroom soup. And just as the realization settled, I also found out that she likes warm food so much more than lukewarm ones. Hmmmm....something I was surprised to find out really.
So here I am in front of my laptop, my daughter's tummy full and she watching Cartoon Network. She's like good for the next half hour or so until something else catches her fancy or declares that world is just plain boring.